Sunday, February 14, 2010

Spring Cleaning

When my life begins to feel cluttered, I am overwhelmed by the sensation of needing to purge the mess from my life. Throughout my life I have had the task imparted upon me to clean my room. I would do this, occasionally begrudgingly to appease my father's standards of cleanliness. This is not to say I'm a slob. Quite on the contrary. It's just, I like to clean on my time and terms. Sometimes the mess would collect itself in little piles around the room, on the desk, in the kitchen (when I was at home my mess was refrained to my room), until at some point I would determine it too much. When I began to clean however, I would clean. Not only would I pick up my clothes and straighten the books on the bookshelf. Not only would I put the shoes in the closet and make my bed. Not only would I put my homework or poetry in neat piles. No. I would clean. I would go through every notebook, binder, folder, and determine what stayed or went. I would sort through every shirt, shoe and short and see what I would still wear. I'd review mix tapes and cds, videos, dvds, photographs, mementos, knick knacks and the like, and I would purge what I didn't need. At the end of my cleaning I would have a clear slate, a blank canvass, the bare essentials, ready to start anew. I guess it would be an understatement to say that I have never been a pack rat.

Occasionally, this need to purge and purify would spill into other arenas of my life. For example, following my high school graduation I chopped off my long hair I had with my since childhood and began breaking out of my mold of unassuming t-shirts and jeans. This blank canvass for me was a growth time. I began learning who I was and more importantly, who Jesus was. It took the purging of ties that bonded me to my shy, subdued self to see clearly, free from the mess.

It is again that time. The apartment is a mess and I find myself lost in it. I feel for sometime I have been immobilized by the ties of sin and selfish desire. All of those little things that drag me down are piling up in the corners of the room and on the counters of the kitchen. It's time to purge.

A friend of mine is encouraging me to write again. This of course, challenges me to think. Many of my friends are joining with me in reading more and I feel myself growing with each sentence. My husband is teaching me to love more, to be patient and gentle, to seek Christ in every moment with every breath. Have I let this go? Have I forgotten so easily? I am ashamed to say yes, from time to time I have. For some reason my human nature finds this easy. And though I have not wandered so very far away, I've let other junk and knick knacks clutter up my view so that when I'm looking at him, I'm easily distracted by flashing lights and alluring scents.

Bare with me as I begin to clean the mess. And if you find yourself in a cluttered space, I suggest doing the same. I want to be a blank canvass for God to fill, for He is the bare essential.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

earthly ambitions

These things are not important. I would like to do them nonetheless whilst in this life:

1. learn to play the cello

2. perfect my skills in baking

3. paint better, and more often

4. write more effortlessly